You love your children. We all do. Or should. And it breaks our hearts when their behavior is out of control and you can’t seem to control it. This article is being written by someone who has a degree in psychology, but not child psychology, and has also been a Mr. Mom for his three kids through much of their teen years. So, this piece is to try to give some experienced layman’s practical advice, not to replace the services of a professional counselor if called for. First piece of advice, remember, you are their parent first, and their friend second.

Consequences

Children must learn that there are consequences to their actions and that misbehavior, when pointed out to the child and after being warned in language that they can understand that there will be punishment if it happens again- you must follow through. Control your temper. Yelling scares children and is not needed. Yes, it’s hard not to raise your voice sometimes but a stern, serious voice in this parent’s experience is better than yelling.

Appropriate Behavior

One of the most difficult concepts to get across to a young child is that there are different behaviors for different places and situations. It’s okay to get up during Sesame Street and dance and sing the song in the living room but it’s not okay to break out in a verse of “Rubber Duckie” in church. “Why not, Mommy?” Appropriate behaviors must be taught gently, not by punishing, but by reasoning. And children have to learn to reason. It doesn’t come naturally. It happens slowly and you must be patient. The worst thing perhaps is when we find ourselves as parents laughing instead of trying to correct the behavior if no real harm is being done. It’s a fine line to walk.

Strict Rules

We said it before. Follow through. If you have a rule and the child has been warned and is of an age where he or she understands the rule and what the consequences are, if the child breaks the rule? The punishment MUST be dealt. And the punishment should fit the crime, so to speak. Discuss punishment with your child and explain, even ask them if they think the punishment is fair for a broken rule and let them play an active role in forming good behavioral patterns.

United Front

Good cop, bad cop when it comes to this doesn’t play well in parenting in this writer’s opinion. Parents should always agree in front of a child, and try to act like they agree even if they don’t. Do your arguing in private, but always present a united front together in front of the child. And don’t pass responsibility off to the other parent with words like, “You just wait until your father gets home.” It isn’t fair to the father and it isn’t fair to the child.

Punishment

This debate rages on and will never be won or lost. I have three kids, and I think I swatted my oldest daughter’s butt once with a light hand when she was about 3 or 4. There was never any spanking, but my children have told me that in later years that there was physical punishment when I was not around. To my mind, physical punishment is strictly out when it comes to children.